UCA Rochester Student currently studying Computer Animation Arts.
Evening Jack,Got here finally... it's been a long couple of weeks on 'Planet Assessment' - thanks for being patient. So, well done on getting things to this relatively resolved place in terms of the look and tone of your animatic. You've obviously liaised with a VO artist too. My observations are as follows - and in no particular order:1) Pace - your VO artist has a nice, laid back drawl, but I do think the overall pace of your animatic is too drawn-out - I felt myself tapping my fingers in anticipation of the next shot, so I think you could usefully close some of those long gaps up between the various scenes and go for a slightly snappier edit.2) Design: I like the bold use of abstraction you've opted for in terms of the background and I think you need to push this into some of your other assets too - for example, the human body and the bed elements just seem a bit 'meh!' to me - and I think you could strengthen the graphical qualities of your film more so - for example, check out the work of Saul Bass:https://beccabowen.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/screen-shot-2013-04-17-at-15-28-38.pngFor me, there's more work to be done in terms of your character designs, particularly your Chemo characters, because they come off as rather stupid and comedic when perhaps they need to come off as stronger and more dynamic? Also, as Chemo isn't 'natural', perhaps you might consider using more 'man-made' shapes as the basic for their characters - so cubes - something that acknowledges the fact they are from 'outside' the body. 3) Camera - right now you're playing things very 'static' and mid-shot - which has an effect of its own (a Wes Anderson-effect), but I can see how the camera could track in a circle around the centre disc as we see the tumor spread - or we track up to a bird's eye view so we get a proper sense of the healthy cell being 'pushed off' or pushed to the edge of the orange disc, I can see how the implied abstraction of this (big orange circle + lots of other circles) might feed into the art direction of your film valuably. 4) I wonder if your cancer cells need to be a different colour - I know you've given them scowling expressions, but I can't help feeling that their 'badness' might be signalled more immediately.5) You don't appear to have an ending: importantly you'll need to show the body recovering, so not ending on the Chemo characters dominating the screen, but demonstrating instead how 'post-Chemo' the balance is restored.6) Sound design - okay, so you've got the music (non-diegetic sound) but you've got lots of potential for diegetic design - so the popping sounds as the cells divide, the murmur/grumbling of the angry mob of cancer cells; the sound of a hospital when we see the bed transition and so on. Don't underestimate the power of sound and its role in animation.7) Why do the chemo characters have limbs and the others don't? My advice is scrap all limbs or invite this question from audiences...8) The comic book 'pow'! That comic book language isn't coming from your actual art direction or film language. For me, it's a bit of a cop-out and I'd encourage you to consider something else - it might be as simple for example as using Adobe Animate to write the words 'Kerboom' but do so in that 2D animation-style 'boil', so it feels more associated with your aesthetic, as opposed to pulling in some foreign language at the last minute.9) On a related note - it just seems as if the Chemo attack is a bit underwhelming. I'm wondering as I type if you might use the disc element more dynamically, so you somehow use it to show 'imbalance' and cancer cells being got rid off - the only visual reference that springs to mind in support of this is a bit 'retro', but maybe it will help!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Mrls-OiVYs